im back...something i never thought id say...

i have always believed in you

to me u are a decent young person who needs to be guided rather than preached at but u tend to have a distorted idea of life

life is always a pain as a teen u are neither adult or child but an inbtwn and its hard for others to reach out and deal with issues they are so far from or dont even know exist

i see your virginity as a young person having respect for themselves and the opposite sex its nothing to be ashamed of and emotionally u are not ready to take this step because its all about tenderness and intimacy rather than getting the job done it should mean something that is precious and so i believe u are waiting for the right moment and person rather than following the crowd

u are letting people upset u so fake it till u make it that way if they cant get a reaction
they will be bored and find an easier target

so take care

love D

Incredible response from Domestic. I second that. My other advice is to get an appt with a psychiatrist or a therapist to talk about what is going on for you. When u are derpessed your mind tends to think within a very narrow range and you get lost in your own thoughts, which depression distorts towards the negative. The teen years can be so confusing and emotionally hard- I would look into a low cost counseling
agency in your area- there are usually tons. They will usually charge you what you can pay. Google it or contact some hospitals for referrals.
Best,
Kellie

D, how i have missed your words of wisdom. and im sorry for seeming like ive been fighting your responses for so long. but i have to say, its not as simple here...
theres no one around here who's worth the intimacy and stuff. mos girls here are shallow as #$@%@#!%^#$^$#!@$^$#^%#!#@%@#%$^#!@%#$%$#@, and will use you as much as possible. the only ones who arent never pay any attention to you. they dont care, because theyre too busy worrying about how theyre gonna get out of florida all together. i cant. im broke, and i cant find a job anywhere. ive got to put in another application in the next few days, but even then ill be working for about minimum wage. maybe less. right now im working on getting crap done. when i turn 18 i wont be able to do anything. if i havnt tried it by then, i never will. that goes for everything from food to dating.
i want to talk to a councelor, but i dont have any money. and aside from that, d have to be 18 before you can see them without parental concent, wouldnt i? idk.
but the whole virginity issue is a major thing for me...im tired of getting picked on for it, and im tired of not beating the crap out of the people that make fun of me for it. but when your parents are cops, you just cant. plus my mom got married to her bf yesterday, so now his ego's gonna go to his head...im getting so tired of all this. if theres a God, which i know there is, there better be a point to all this. ive gone through crap my whole life. im a complete outcast in a world where everyone belongs somewhere. litterally everyone does. except me. i dont fit in. i have 6 friends. lifes crap to me.
there better be some kind of reward for it, cuz im sick of not having anything to be happy about. i have a family history on both sides of heart disease. bipolar disorder on dads side. comeplete insanity on moms side. i swear, if it werent for the few friends i do have, id have run away a LONG time ago. still should. idk. sorry...complaining again...point is im kinda broke, useless, jobless, and completely miserable about my entire life. the only good thing about me is my mastery of politics, which i cant use, and apparently my personality. i dont see it. all i see is a fat, useless moron.

honey

i wouldnt expect anything less than resistance from a teen after all thats what u do at your age i say something u tell me impossible
its a question of how u look at things honey my eldest when she started work worked for three pound an hour she began work before min wage was brought in and had to walk to/from work on the day before payday but as she got older she moved up the rung of working life
but she took the job cos she wanted things and the only way to get money is to work or rob a bank not really gona help u with the things u want to do the last one but its a choice
as for having 6 friends i think u are doing well most people of your age dont have solid friends cos they are evolving to be the adults they are going to be and that is so far from the misery of highschool that i guess they never thought life could be good as well
just stand back and take a look at your peers are they really happy or are they faking it to get by we all have issues that we learn to deal with and its how we cope that defines us
why dont u see the school counselor and see what they can do for u as far as i am aware its meant to be confidential but at least it would give u a starting point
to see where u can go in the future at worst it will give u an adult that u can use as a sounding board
and the marriage well they do say love is blind so i guess its all in the eye of the beholder his and her actions shouldnt reflect or detract from what u are doing

after all if ducks can repell water u can repell the words that mean nothing create an invisible shield to push the words over the head and concentrate on the things u want to do

all families have medical histories that are not nice and cause worries to each generation but once again u are not defined by them unless u let yourself be and to be honest a lot of the greats were slightly mad byron keats and marco polo to name a few

u are not useless your time to shine just isnt here yet and dont put yourself down u have a gift for politics and a great persona so use them to the best u can

come on honey life is not all bad go get that job that gives u independance yes it might be brain numbing but its a means to an end and the end is gona be a u who will succeed cos the only person to stop u is u

take care and do three great things to day to tell me about

love D

ill try, D. It's just so hard to go through everything at once. another break up a few days ago, and more mishaps on the way. its just so infuriating that no matter how much i dont give up, the more crap i get, and the less happier i am by the day.
ill try to do what you've told me to, but there arent many great things to do around here. i hope ill be able to post later. until then, Adieu, mon ami!

honey

i know its hard but thats the best thing u have if its hard now and u succeed then u will have no problems later in life that u cant overcome
so come on best foot forward and i will look forward to hearing from u later to give me an update

take care

love D

today was...interesting...i told my friends what happened saturday, and they were PROUD of me...ME...im so happy.

there u go honey

doesnt that make u feel good u see u just have to reach out and people are willing to take an interest

lets see what u can do to make today a great one

keep going little steps at a time

love D

well today wasnt great. nowhere near, honestly. stress is building up fast, and im reaching the red zone. right now one of my teachers, in the easiest subject i have, is saying she might need to call home because im not getting my work done. its not that simple. why dnot people think logically anymore? i cant waste all my time worrynig about something as small and unimportant as school.

breathe slowly and deeply to relieve the stress honey

now why are u failing to do the work in class and each stage of life is important what makes u think school is unimportant it will allow u freedom to move forward in life as an adult

and more importantly what went wrong

keep breathing slowly in and out until the stress levels fall

remember i believe in you and want the best for u

love D